Many of the items in this alphabetical list of things in Unseen Academicals are books – books you’re not likely to find on your library’s shelves. Read them in chronological order in this list.
Ankh-Morpork Inquirer, The – Created by Ronald Carney. Intended to take down The Times.
Ankh-Morpork Times, The – Newspaper started by William de Worde.
Back Street Pins – Possibly the same as Back Alley Pins.
Battle of Orc Deep – Last known battle in which orcs were “deployed”.
Beauty Arising from the Pease Pudding Cart Attended by Cherubs Carrying Hot Dogs and Pies – Painted by the unknown artist who saw Juliet Stollop rising from beneath a cart at the foot-the-ball match.
Bonk School – Philosophers – the “mucky” or “indelicate” (depending on your point of view) ones who go on about what happens if ladies don’t get enough mutton, for example. See Ofleberger, Trousenblert, and Vonmausberger.
Book of Traditions – Describes the origins of the megapode chase.
Bows and Ammo – Periodical subscribed to by Shawn Ogg.
Bu-bubble – Fashion magazine for ladies, including trolls.
Cabinet of Curiosity – Holds items 14 inches square (or less), such as an Umnian golem’s foot. Something to do with 11 dimensions….
Charlie (skeleton) – Found in Dr. Hick’s Department of Post-Mortem Communication.
Cigarette Trading Cards – Like roundworld sports trading cards, only of wizards and found in certain cigarette packs.
Compendium of Odours – 22 volumes written by Brakefast.
Das Meer von Unvermeidlichkeit – Written by Doctor Maspinder.
Das Nichts des Wissens – In which Herr Frugal says (possibly while on medication), “Ich kann mich nicht genau erinnern, aber es war so etwas wie eine Vanillehaltige susse Nachspeisenbeigabe.”
Der Selbst uberschritten durch das Ganze – Written by Trousenblert. See Goodnight for translation.
Die Wesentlichen Ungewissheiten Zugehorig der Offenjundigen Mannlichkeit – Written by Ofleberger.
Discomforting Misusage – Compiled by Birdcatcher. A dictionary of embarrassing words, etc.
Doors of Deception, The – In which Fussbinder reports on a way of hypnotizing himself.
Doppelte Beruhrungssempfindung – Von Kladpoll writes about the hidden mind.
Effluence of Reality, The – According to the author, Von Sliss, the one may be a many in different clothing.
Emperor, The – A candle (actually, a 32-foot mound of wax at this point) at Unseen University that has been lit virtually every night since the institution’s conception.
Five Hours and Sixteen Minutes Among the Goblins of Far Uberwald – According to the author, J. P. Blunderbell, it was about 5 hours too long.
Fletcher’s Avian Nausea Index – A “wishing yourself dead” scale. From 1 to 10, sick as a parrot is a 5.
Fretwork Today – May be about playing or about constructing guitars and similar stringed instruments.
Giggles, Girls, and Garters – Presumably the same as Girls, Giggles, and Garters. Just use a little imagination.
Golem Spotter Weekly – The title says it all.
Grapeshot’s Therapeutic Squeezer – Simple spell used to help heal broken bones.
Great Bronze Spoon of Cladh – Mr. Nutt’s favorite spoon.
Halma – Game played on a checkered board, similar to Chinese checkers.
Hex – Partly magical computer located in the High Energy Magic Building of Unseen University.
Horseman’s Word – A secret society that made special oils that would make horses obey them.
Iconograph – Twoflower the Tourists is the first one known to bring one to Ankh-Morpork. You’d call it a camera, but I bet your camera doesn’t have an artistic imp inside. At least, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.
Jolly Sailor Tobacco – Appreciated by Granny Aching. If you turn a packet upside down, you can see a nak….
Lancre Flyer – Post Office coach for carrying mail from Ankh-Morpork to Lancre and back.
Megapode – Mythological bird – scarlet and yellow – that appears and is chased at UU every 100 years. Surprisingly, they’re real in the roundworld.
Mr. Cauliflower’s Big Adventure – Found in the University library under UUSS J3.2 (>blit) 9.
Mr. Wobble – Glenda Sugarbean’s teddy bear. Due to a sewing error, he has 3 eyes.
National Anthem (Ankh-Morpork) – We Can Rule You Wholesale.
Obedience of Disobedience, The – By Schnouzentintle, who as much as says that everybody disobeys.
Occult Companion – By Boddry. Ridcully’s copy had a secret cavity on page 14.
Offler’s League of Temperance – Violet the Tooth Fairy was a blue-ribbon-wearing member.
Oi! To his Deaf Mistress – Robert Sandal’s famous poem.
Omniscope – Mainly made of glass (and some controls), can be used by a wizard with sufficient technical know-how to see anywhere and any time. Granted, finding such a wizard may be a bigger challenge than using the device itself.
ORC – Book discovered by Mr. Nutt while under hypnosis.
Owlspring/Tips Diagram – Charts the tendency of wizards, who start out small and pale, to get bigger and cholerically redder until they swell up and explode in a cloud of pomposity.
Pex – Brazeneck equivalent of UU’s Hex. Runs on chickens.
Ritual Aggression in Pubescent Rats – By Vonmausberger. Something to do with childish insults and their exchange.
Satblatt – Dwarf newspaper.
Slab – Ammonium chloride cut with radium. Drug used by trolls. Jus’ say ‘AarrghaarrghpleeassennononoUGH’.
Sleek – One of Concrete’s substances of choice.
Sliver, Slice, Slunkie, Slurp – Along with Slab, Slide, and Scrape, some of the favorite drugs of trolls. As to the leading “s” on each…”it make dem easier to remember.”
Slump – Yet another of Concrete’s favorite substances.
Snaky Cleavehelms – Boots that are $400 a pop and you have to wait 6 months.
Speech of Trolls, The – Compiled by Postalhume.
Spillikins – Game also known as pick-up sticks.
Stanley Howler’s Stamp Monthly – Presumably a monthly magazine all about stamps.
Starcrossed – Written by Hwel. Performed by the Dolly Sisters Players.
Tackle, The – Ancient urn which, if footballers had not seen, their wives likely had…and had appreciated it.
Tanty Bugle – Periodical about the goings on at the Ankh-Morpork prison – the Tanty. Read by folks such as Miss Drapes.
Tau of Cabbage, The – Found in the University library under UUSS (blit+) 60-sp55-o9-hl (blit).
Thaumometer – Measures the density of a magical field.
Thud – Board game between dwarfs and trolls based on the earlier Hnaflbaflsniflwhifltafl.
Trespassers’ Society – Originally the Explorers’ Society. Name changed at Lord Vetinari’s suggestion.
Trumpet of Equestrianism – Written by Spout; studied by Mr. Nutt.
Uncommon Sock Eater – Rare indoorovore found in the cellars of UU.
Verdant Spring – Perfume intended for trolls.
Winkles’ Old Peculiar – A favorite beer of many in Ankh-Morpork.
Wizzla’s – Possibly tobacco. Comes in packets.
Wow-wow Sauce – A mixture of scumble, pickled cucumbers, capers, mustard, mangoes, figs, grated wahooni, anchovy essence, asafetida, sulphur, and saltpetre. Archchancellor Ridcully’s favorite.