Thud is but a game that these actors play in alphabetical order. They play in chronological order here.
A. E. Pessimal – One of Vetinari’s inspectors who inspects the Watch.
Adelina Happily – Painted watercolours. Was called in by Rascal’s last landlady to help examine his rooms.
Andy Hancock – “Two-swords”. Member of the Watch’s specials.
Anoia – Goddess of Things That Stick in Drawers. Know her well, do you?
Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully the Brown – Prominent leader of Unseen University. Sorta good at what he does – whatever that is.
Ardent – Deep Downer dwarf Grag who worked with Hamcrusher.
B’hrian Bloodaxe – Famed for his Battle Bread used at the Battle of Koom Valley.
Bashfull Bashfullsson – Dwarf grag who understands “old Troll” and can thus translate the vocalizations emanating from the cube.
Big Dave – Proprietor of Dave’s Stamp and Pin Exchange. He can get you the pins you really want.
Big Marble – Brick fell in with him an’ Totally an’ Hardcore.
Blind Io – Chief of the gods who live at Dunmanifestin. He appears to be blind but has many eyes outside his body.
Bloody Stupid Johnson – Born, Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, but few remember those names. His works deserve an article all their own and may or may not ever get one.
Bluejohn – Troll conscripted for the Watch.
Brick – Troll who witnessed the death of Hamcrusher. Nearly always on some drug until Detritus helps him kick the habit(s).
Broccolee – Formerly Candi, until she heard broccoli was better for you. Can touch the back of her head with her foot. Works at the Pink Pussycat Club.
Bunty Waynesbury – Aka Berenice Mousefather. Classmate and still friend of Lady Sybil. Helps the Vimes’ family in Ham-on-Koom.
Captain Gud – Dwarf leader who detained Vimes’ party in Koom Valley.
Captain Samuel Vimes – Head of the Ankh-Morpork Night Watch. Recovering alcoholic. Eventual spouse of Lady Ramkin and Commander of the Watch.
Caravati – Creator of Three Large Pink Women and One Piece of Gauze on display in the Royal Art Museum.
Corporal Cheery Littlebottom (Cheri) – Alchemist, female dwarf in the Watch.
Chrysoprase (aka Krysoprase and Chrystophrase) – Son of Kwartz? Head Troll.
Cockbill Street Roaring Lads – Sam Vimes was once a member of this gang.
Constable Andy Haddock – Human in the Watch.
Constable Brakenshield – Dwarf in the Watch.
Constable Fittly – The prankster in the Watch.
Constable Ironbender – Dwarf in the Watch who tried to keep Hamcrusher’s death a secret. Along with Ringfounder, he told Carrot.
Constable Mica – Troll in the Watch.
Constable Precious Jolson – Member of the Watch active at the Pink Pussycat Club from time to time.
Constable Schist – Troll in the Watch.
Constable Visit-The-Infidel-With-Explanatory-Pamphlets – Call him Visit or Washpot, for short.
Corporal Cecil Wormsborough St. John “Nobby” Nobbs – Member of the Night Watch. Species: human. Probably.
Constable Ringfounder – Dwarf in the Watch who tried to keep Hamcrusher’s death a secret. Along with Ironbender, he told Carrot.
Dame Slightly – Ran the Dame School in Cockbill Street which Sam Vimes (Sr.) attended for 6 months when he was young.
Daniellarina Pouter – Creator of Don’t Talk to Me About Mondays!
Death – An anthrpomorphic personification comprised of a skeleton, covered in a black robe, and holding a scythe (or a sword, for kings). He communicates in CAPTIAL LETTERS without the quotation marks.
Detritus – A troll who eventually becomes a leading member of the Watch.
Doreen Winkings – Vampire. AKA Countess Notfaroutoe. Vife of Arthur.
Dorfl – Golem in Long Hogmeat. Eventually given a voice and made a constable of the Watch. Helps other golems own themselves.
Dr. John “Mossy” Lawn – Trained in Klatch (where patients were actually expected to get better), he is probably the only doctor (for humans) in Ankh-Morpork who has ever cured anyone.
Dribble – Dragon under the bed for Sam Vimes Jr.
Ephraim Dowster – Noted landscape artist. Was called in by a friend (hwho framed pictures) of Adelina Happily to help examine Rascal’s rooms.
Eric Wheelbrace – Naturalist who wrote Walking in the Koom Valley.
Fizz – Cartoonist for the Ankh-Morpork Times.
Foul Ole Ron – Beggar who saw Angua in the nudd. “Millennium hand and shrimp!”
Gabbro – Troll very good at playing the dwarf side in Thud.
George Pony – Technician / engineer for the Grand Trunk.
Gimlet Gimlet – Owns the Hole Food Delicatessen.
Grabpot Thundergust – The dwarf who (don’t say it too loudly) owns the Halls of Elven Perfume and Rouge Co.
Gunder Ironcrust – Son of Setha. Left for dead by the Deep Dwarves.
Hamcrusher – Dwarf grag whose murder was witnessed by Brick.
Hardcore – Sold slab. One of Chrsyoprase’s gang.
Harry Jones – “Can’t Remember His Nickname”. Bodyguard to Mr. Boggis. Secretary of the Thieves’ Guild School.
Hector Hitherto – Lance-constable at Chittling Street (Chitterling Street) Station. Brother of Horace.
Helmclever – Dwarf very good at playing Thud. Apprentice of Ardent.
Hogfather – Does his gifting thing at Hogswatch time.
Horace Hitherto – Lance-constable who died after getting hit in a scuffle.
Igor (at Biers) – Bartender who knows a lot. But then, don’t they all?
Igor (Young) – A pioneer who doesn’t fit in in Uberwald. Goes to Ankh-Morpork to join the Watch.
John Keel – Sergeant of the City Watch during the time of Lord Winder. He (sorta) taught Sam Vimes all he knew about policing.
John Smith – Vam…er…Not-a-Vampire-at-All. Formerly, Count Vargo St. Gruet von Vilinus. President of the League of Temperance.
Johnny – Drives a coach for Miss Robinson. Speed limits are not an issue.
Josiah H. ‘Flannelfoot’ Boggis – With his nephews, ‘The Old Firm’ of Bespoke Thieves. Now head of the Thieves’ Guild. Attacked the Fool and humbly regretted it later.
Lady Sybil Deidre Oglivanna Ramkin – Caretaker of swamp dragons and eventual spouse of Commander Vimes. Richest person in Ankh-Morpork.
Delphine Angua von Uberwald – First werewolf and female in the Watch. Very close friend of Carrot.
Lars Legstrong – Dwarf who was murdered in a tunnel under Ankh-Morpork.
(Head) Librarian – Formerly human, now simian. Favorite (and nearly only) word: Oook.
Mavis Trouncer – An unpleasant memory from Vimes’ past.
Methodia Rascal – Painted a panoscopic of the Battle of Koom Valley.
Miss Deviante – Dance teacher of Tawneee.
Miss Pointer / Miss Pickles – She/they run(s) the Pointer & Pickles rock shop in Tenth Egg Street. Rents the basement out for Mr. Shine’s Thud Academy.
Miss Robinson – Owns a coach driven by Johnny.
Miss Turpitude – Taught maths to Lady Sybil at the Quirm College for Young Ladies.
Mr Cheese – Owner of The Bucket, as pub frequented by the Watch when off duty.
Mr. Shine – Him diamond! Diamond King of Trolls. The current King is Mr. Shine. Another King played a game of thud with B’hrian Bloodaxe back in the day in Koom Valley.
Mr. Waynesbury – Husband of Bunty. (It’s always the ladies who have the connections.)
Mrs. Oldsburton – Vimes remembered her as the lady who went mad after her baby died.
Mrs. Spudding – Age 75. Pole dancer at the Pink Pussycat Club. Need I say more?
Nils Mousehammer – Played at the Thud Academy against Phyllite.
Old John – Caretaker of the Royal Art Museum. Lives in the attic with his family.
Om – From which Omnia takes its name. Traveled in the form of a tortoise in Brutha’s time.
One-Eyed Goddam – Hardcore had once jacked off’f him some really bad stuff an’ given it to Brick.
Otto Chriek – Vampire (reformed) iconographer for the A-M Times.
Patrician of Ankh – The leader of the city of Ankh-Morpork. You know him cordially as Havelock Vetinari.
Phyllite – Played at the Thud Academy against Nils Mousehammer.
Pigsty Hill Dead Marmoset Gang – Rivals of the Roaring Lads.
Pors Stronginthearm – Half owner of Burleigh & Stronginthearm, crossbow makers.
Purity – Nursemaid to Sam Vimes Jr.
Raja – Golden Wowser swamp dragon.
Reynold Stitched, Sir – Curator of Fine Art at the Royal Art Gallery.
Rhys Rhysson – He (actually, she) is the Low King of the dwarfs.
Ruby – Troll bartender at The Blue Lias. She also did a stage act there. Courted by Detritus.
Salacia Delorisista Amanita Trigestrata Zeldana Malifee…von Humpeding – Sally. Vampire originally from Bonk. Sent to Ankh-Morpork by the Low King to track Hamcrusher.
Sam Vimes, Jr. – Son of Sir Samuel and Sibyl. Loves Where’s My Cow?
Sergeant Frederick (Fred) Colon – Mainly of the Night Watch. Likes to stay out of trouble – especially other peoples’.
Seriph Creosote – Of Al Khali. Of his father originated the phrase, “Rich as Creosote”. (Read about Croesus, if you’re unfamiliar.)
Setha Ironcrust – Owns a bakery in Ankh-Morpork.
Shamlegger Street Rude Boys – Gang from the Shades. Willikins was once a member.
Sherilee – Angua once borrowed a pair of (noticeably pointed) high heels from her.
Sir Joshua – Portrait artist who paints the Vimes family.
Special Constable Piggle – Once stood to close to Andy “Two-swords” Hancock. The Igor did his best afterwards.
Tak – God who, according to the dwarfs, wrote the world, as recorded in Gd Tak ‘Gar.
Tawneee – Aka Betty. Dancer at the Pink Pussycat Club. Friend of Nobby.
Tenth Egg Street Can’t-fink-of-a-name Gang – Brick was turned down for membership in the gang. Sad day.
Toin Footstamper – Grag Bashfullsson’s one-time landlord.
Totally Slag – Brick fell in with him and similar trolls. Totally said the word wuz that the Watch wuz after the troll (Brick) who’d been in the mine.
Verity Pushpram – Nice girl. Runs the clam and cockle barrow in Rime Street. Nickname: Hammerhead.
Vinny Ludd – “No Ears”. Once bodyguard to Mr. Boggis. Now a member of the Watch.
W. W. W. Wildblood, Prof. – Translated Gd Tak ‘Gar. You can obtain your copy for AM$8 from the Unseen University Press.
Wiggleigh – Bledlow at Unseen University who most definitely did not witness the secretive meeting between Ridcully and Vimes. Nope. Most certainly did not.
William de Worde – Fell into the printing / publishing business through (almost) no fault of his own. Ended up doing a decent job of it.
Willikins – Butler of Lady Ramkin.
Yan Rockhammer – Maker of solid copper slingbacks. (Those are ladies’ shoes.)