Here’s your chronological listing of all the persons in Guards! Guards! For the alphabetic version of the same, click here.
Captain Samuel Vimes – Head of the Ankh-Morpork Night Watch. Recovering alcoholic. Eventual spouse of Lady Ramkin.
M. C. Escher – Of the roundworld. Mentioned in a footnote (more than one) reference to the topology of the Library at UU.
(Head) Librarian – Formerly human, now simian. Favorite (and nearly only) word: Oook.
Brother Fingers (aka Benji “Lightfoot” Boggis) – Fingers…feet…whatever. You get the idea.
Brother Doorkeeper – Member of the Elucidated Brethren. A gatekeeper of sorts.
Supreme Grand Master (of the Unique and Supreme Lodge) of the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night – Aka Lupine Wonse.
Master Critchley – Member of the Bakers’ Guild, Ankh-Morpork.
Brother Watchtower – Member of the Elucidated Brethren. An overseer of sorts.
Patrician of Ankh – The leader of the city of Ankh-Morpork. You know him cordially as Havelock Vetinari.
Brother Plasterer – Yes, he worked with plaster in his other life.
Brother Dunnykin – If you must know, it’s a container for dung. Are you happy now?
Rodney – May have oppressed Brother Watchtower with his new coach.
Tubal de Malachite – Author of The Summoning of Dragons.
Corporal Carrot Ironfoundersson, Lance – Member of the Night Watch. Adopted dwarf. Possibly king of Ankh-Morpork.
Herbert Gaskin – Poor old Gaskin, former member of the Night Watch, mayherestinpeace. Replaced by Corporal Carrot.
Sergeant Frederick (Fred) Colon – Mainly of the Night Watch. Likes to stay out of trouble – especially other peoples’.
Mr Varneshi – General store owner in Copperhead. Got Corporal Carrot started on the path to…well, on the path.
Minty Rocksmacker – Dwarf from Corporal Carrot’s early years that he’s rather sweet on.
Bjorn Stronginthearm – Uncle (not metaphorically) of Corporal Carrot’s (adopted) dwarf father. It’s complicated.
Magrat Garlick – The youngest of the coven of three, with Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg.
Zebbo Mooty – Thief Third Class. Shoulda been more cautious around dragons.
Death – An anthrpomorphic personification comprised of a skeleton, covered in a black robe, and holding a scythe (or a sword, for kings). He communicates in CAPTIAL LETTERS without the quotation marks.
Mrs Palm – A lady among ladies (of the night). President of the Seamstresses’ Guild. Befriends (not in that way) Corporal Carrot when he first arrives in Ankh-Morpork.
Reet – Member of the Seamstresses’ Guild. Saved from thieves by Corporal Carrot.
Urdo van Pew – President of the Thieves’ Guild. Was marched through the streets.
Lupine Wonse – Secretary to the Patrician. Supreme Grand Master of the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night. Couldn’t hold his dragon.
Corporal Cecil Wormsborough St. John “Nobby” Nobbs – Member of the Night Watch. Species: human. Probably.
Mrs Colon – Wife of Sgt. Colon of the Night Watch. Works days.
Detritus – A troll who eventually becomes a member of the Watch.
Charley – A bartender at the Mended Drum. Corporal Carrot arrested him in detail.
Nork the Impaler – Seen lying under a table in the Mended Drum following a meeting with Corporal Carrot.
Big Henri – Apparently he was manhandled by Corporal Carrot. He may have been from Quirm.
Grabber Simmons – “One of the most feared bar-room fighters in the city” of Ankh-Morpork, until Corporal Carrot came along.
Lady Sybil Deidre Oglivanna Ramkin – Caretaker of swamp dragons and eventual spouse of Commander Vimes.
Lord Mountjoy Gayscale Talonthrust III – Swamp dragon. Of Ankh. The first dragon that Captain Vimes came to know by name.
Talonthrust Vincent (Vinny) Wonderkind – Of Quirm. Being trained as a shoulder-sitter, as they fetch twice the price.
Dewdrop Mabelline Talonthrust the First – Swamp dragon. Champion and sire of champions. Likes his belly rubbed.
Gayheart Talonthrust – Swamp dragon. Of Ankh. Stood fourteen thumbs, toe to matlock (about three foot six inches).
Moonpenny Duchess Marchpaine – Swamp dragon. Gravid, when Captain Vimes was first introduced.
Moonmist Talonthrust II – Swamp dragon. Once Best of Breed at Pseudopolis.
Goodboy Bindle Featherstone (aka Errol) – Swamp dragon. Of Quirm. Mascot of the Watch for a time.
Lady Brenda Rodley – Aka Her Grace the Dowager Duchess of Quirm. Likes to care for swamp dragons along with Lady Ramkin.
Treebite Brightscale – Of Quirm, presumably. Sire of Errol (the dragon). Owned by Brenda Rodley.
Cut-me-own-throat (C.M.O.T) Dibbler – Originally known as Claude Maximillian Overton Transpire Dibbler. Entrepreneur (unsuccessful). Will sell you a “pig” sausage innabun. Don’t ask questions.
Archchancellor (unnamed) of Unseen University – Unfortunately the Archchancellor doesn’t get full billing in this book.
Lord Mountjoy Quickfang Winterforth IV – Swamp dragon. Captain Vimes threatened to use him as a weapon – Dirty Harry style.
Errol – Human (probably) brother of Nobby.
Igneous the Troll – Owns an all-night wholesale pottery. Known to C.M.O.T Dibbler.
Holy Balancing Dervishes of Otherz – Perform the short and unnecessary religious observance of tridlins daily – according to the Dictionary of Eye-Watering Words, that is.
Clarence – One of two palace guards arrested by Corporal Carrot.
Sergeant Hummock – Member of the Day Watch, Ankh-Morpork.
Sham Harga – Proprietor of Harga’s House of Ribs. Down by the docks.
High Priest of Blind Io – Won the right (by a club with nails) to crown the apparent king of Ankh-Morpork.
Master Greetling – Head of the Teachers’ Guild. Can’t abide loud noises.
Skully Maltoon – Palace guard. Known to Nobby, according to whom, his mum made cough sweets.
Duke of Sto Helit (the older) – Responsible for the death of his cousin, the king (Olerve) of Sto Lat.
Nersh the Lunatic – Former ruler of Ankh-Morpork.
Giggling Lord Smince – Former ruler of Ankh-Morpork. Had his Laugh-A-Minute Dungeon.
Skrp the Rat – Aided the Patrician when he was imprisoned in his own dungeon.
Jimkin Bearhugger – Owns a whiskey distillery in Ankh.
Great A’Tuin – He or she is the turtle who moves through space in the Discworld universe. On his or her back are 4 elephants. On the backs of the elephants rests the Disc itself.
Lord Snapcase, Psychoneurotic – In 1401, a colony of bats was executed for persistent curfew violations during his regime.
Earl Hargath, Frenzied – In 1321, a small cloud was prosecuted for covering the sun during the climax of his investiture ceremony.
Rosie Devant-Molei – Runs the Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons.
Abbott Lobsang – The reincarnate Listener, (re)born 53…or 54…times.